yes. I feel like that

10 Ways to Support an Adoptive Family

Thank you to everyone for continued support. Thi is based on an article I just read: [Disclaimer: This is not an all-encompassing list, nor are these any sort of commandments thou shall follow. They are simply ideas and examples of what helped us in our family's journey.] 1.) Pray Let the adoptive family know you’re praying for them. Let them know more than once. Send an encouraging email, card, text message, or Facebook message letting them know you’re thinking of the adoptive family. Chocolate is always good, too 2.) Be Present When you ask an adoptive family how they’re doing, listen to their response. There might not be anything you can do to physically help their journey go smoother or faster or easier, but being present is so important. 3.) Give Financially Our friends and family are so generous — not just with their hearts, but their pocket books. Remember, the average cost of an infant domestic adoption runs upwards of $30,000 – $40,000. Whatever you can give, consider giving to an adoptive family. No amount is too small. The financial burden of the adoption process is intimidating and worrisome. By supporting an adoptive family financially, you will have an automatic investment in the life of a child while also validating the health of a birth mother during her pregnancy. 4.) Offer Fundraising Ideas Offer creative ideas to help offset the financial burden for an adoptive family. Do your kids like to have lemonade stands? Have them host one for a cause. Do you have items you want to get rid of? Offer them to an adoptive family for a garage sale. Better yet — offer to host a garage sale with proceeds going to the adoptive family! 5.) Attend Events Attend an event that benefits an adoptive family. Whether it’s a Pancake Breakfast or Wine Event, attend what you can. I can’t tell you how much it means to see familiar faces from high school, college, work, church, etc., at events. Sometimes the “being present” factor is more important than the financial factor. To know there are people standing with an adoptive family is so important. 6.) Celebrate Milestones Celebrating milestones with an adoptive family is so much fun. Often times, adoptive families miss out on having a fun pregnancy announcement or gender reveal party or maternity photos. So offer to help celebrate the unique milestones that come along with the adoption process! There are so many milestones to celebrate with an adoptive family — and they are WORTH celebrating. 7.) Treat New Adoptive Parents As You Would Treat Any New Parents We need support just as ANY new parents need support. We struggle with sleep just as ANY new parents do. We are emotional at this significant life change just as ANY new parents are. When an adoptive family brings their child home, offer to bring meals or mow the lawn or fold the laundry, etc. Don’t believe us when we say we have it all under control. [We're lying.] New adoptive parents are the same as any new parents in that we’re trying to balance parenthood with daily life, and it’s challenging! 8.) Use Positive Adoption Language When talking to an adoptive family, be as considerate as you would with any new family. Use broad questions and steer clear of asking detailed questions about birth parents or familial histories. Please understand there are some details we don’t want to share. And don’t be offended if we bypass your question. Perhaps most importantly, please know we don’t expect perfection when it comes to talking about our adoption journey. If you’re not sure how to ask something or how to phrase something — ask us! We don’t expect all of our friends and family members and acquaintances to be politically correct all the time. 9.) Give Time Adoption is a lengthy, sometimes draining process. Often times, adoptive parents are in another state — or even another country — for WEEKS while government entities work to approve clearances before they are allowed to go home. Adoptive parents are at the whim of the government, and vacation time is quickly exhausted before they can even begin bonding at home with their child. 10.) Ask Questions, Share and Educate Adoptive families are part of a unique club. We have an unspoken bond between us — one of understanding, empathy, heartache, joy. When we announced our plans to adopt, we immediately received so much support from friends and family members. I know this is a long post, but I think it’s one worth sharing. These tips, as I mentioned, are not all-encompassing. But I hope you find them helpful.

lots of paper

We visited the agency in Roanoke on Tuesday afternoon. We picked up all of our paperwork that we need to complete in order for the home study to begin. We are actively searching for a BM in the meantime. I've joined some groups that pass along situations, am setting up some more fundraisers, and plan to start the paperwork this weekend. also, if you prefer to just donate $ instead of "shopping" through us!!!--- http://www.gofundme.com/3xpnrs

ThredUP

We are using ThredUP as our next fundraiser. Simply go to http://thred.me/16Yz19y and request a free bag be sent to you, then pile in all the clothes you are no longer wearing and send back. Easy as that. Please check it out and pass to your friends. Thanks!

quick update August 3 2013

Still filling out paperwork for grants. Got a line of credit for the home study. We go the 13th for our intake interview to kick off the process. In the meantime we've been putting ourselves out there on the internet to make a possible connection. AND we closed our file at DSS. :) www.parentfinder.com/aheavers

Home study Time!

We are about to start our homestudy!!! We only need to take on educational class from our agency. "tested out" of 2 :) We go for our intake interview in 2 weeks. We are still on the waiting list, but are going to use our completed homestudy to market ourselves in the mean time. Please let us know if you know of an expectant mother wanting to place her child for adoption. THANKS!

update

We received a letter from the adoption agency and we have been put on the waiting list. We knew that was going to happen, made it part of our plan, glad we have time to fundraise and get our house ready. But I'm still a teensy weensy bit upset that I really do have to wait. :) We are going to continue on as normal, wait until we get moved into the "pool of perspective parents" and begin our homestudy. Until then, lots of grant paperwork, and house repairs await! So don’t worry about tomorrow. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Tomorrow will have its own worries. Matthew 6:34

laughter

We all need laughter. Please enjoy this..... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3KRFolP1Uk&feature=share&list=PL5oPQWgVdsDn3w3aDvB4zci1L8YMh3iZm ****I'm praying I do not have to experience this. My mother will be rescuing me instead of laughing "with me"!

perspective and support

The first go round taught me that support groups are very important. I can cry and complain to everyone I know, but there is a certain satisfaction that is met when discussing things with someone that gets it. Someone that REALLY gets it. Been there, done that. So I'm actively involved in a few groups on Facebook and another one online. I'd love to have some local yocals that meet at Starbucks once a month for that purpose too. But for now, I'm content in my hiding behind the monitor groups. However, lately there has been an influx of birthmothers in those adoption groups. Fine, but these are clearly bio parents that are NOT for adoption. Must have had their kids taken from them or have horrible relationships with the adoptive families. But this has really opened my eyes to the "other side". To some extent I have always battled with that other side. We are so lucky to have gained Jacob as a son, but I really hurt for his bio parents. Can you imagine waking up and knowing you'd never see your kids again?! And then it DID happen to us. Sofia left us. And now I GET IT! OUCH!! So for this adoption Adam and I decided that the agency we chose would really service the biological parents as well. I don't want to TAKE someone's kid. I want them to have couseling, and really be at peace with their decision to place their child into my arms. I want them to have services before, during, and afterwards. I want them to be able to heal their hearts and know that GOD and the rest of the world LOVES them know matter what their past has been like. And so its been my personal decision to try to show these families love. No matter if their kids were taken from them and put into foster care, or if they placed their child into adoption. Some people have been easier to love than others. Really puts things into perspective. Saw this article on one of my support groups today: http://adoptionvoicesmagazine.com/adoptee-view/dear-christian-who-is-praying-for-an-infant-to-adopt/#.Ud_p50FQGSp Just confirmed my feelings. I feel like the author really lost me for the last few sentences....but for the most part it was a good article. Interesting perspective. And as we continue on in this adoption journey--- please be in prayer for us but for also the "other" family.

Grants

We are going to apply for 11 grants.   (I hope we get at least one!)   Ten can be filed after we have our completed home study.  ONE can be sent in now.   So today, I am working on filling out as much as I can.  And sending in that lonely one application.  :) 

 

 

HERE IT IS-  ready to go out the door

 

And off it goes!

In the mail!---the journey begins......

Tshirt Fundraiser

This is the latest fundraiser we've signed up for.  Selling Tshirts!   I'm trying to present a variety of items, knowing that not everyone will purchase one of everything.   These tshirts, in my opinion, are really nice.  I love the images on them.  In fact, I think I'm going to order one or two.  :)


http://www.adoptionbug.com/eavers/

Feelings

I'm feeling very cautious so far.  I would love to live in a state with no revocation period.  I'm worried that I'll get to the hospital and not be able to come home with a baby.  Crazy....since I haven't even filled out the agency application yet.  Maybe I should consider an out of state adoption.  Or even an adoption from Costa Rica!   I have a LOT of praying to do.

And so....

The meeting at the agency went well.  We have decided to do an infant adoption with Commonwealth Catholic Charities.  We were told to expect a wait of 1-3 years after we got all our paperwork in.   And so, we have begun filling out the application.  More to come!

June/July Fundraiser!

 http://Eavers.olivetreepromise.com

Every purchase benefits our adoption!

Lots of cool products-- or you can donate directly to us

The process

So this is a simplified summary of the process:

• Choose the type of adoption
• Select an agency or facilitator
• Complete a home study
• Wait for a placement
• Finalize the adoption

We are in the process of picking an agency.  We chose Domestic Infant adoption.  That list above looks short, but it could be 24+ months before its all done!

The two agencies we are looking at:

http://www.cccofvirginia.org/adoption.html

http://www.godparentfoundation.org/adoption/

This is a blog that I am creating to document our Adoption Journey.  We have decided its time for another baby.  Jacob wants a cat.   So are at the stage to pick an adoption agency.  Domestic Infant Adoption!   Sounds fabulous and exhausting, and AWESOME all at the same time.  So again, we are fundraising to pay for the home study part of this journey.   I've met some great adoption friends already and they have shared some really cool fundraising ideas.
I don't want you guys to think I'm going to suck your bank accounts dry.  If you can't donate in one form or another, please just PRAY for us.  We take monetary donations and/or prayers....we'll love you the same either way.

I'll try to keep this updated along the way with info and pictures.